Day 1 of going from fat 2 fabulous

I’m fat.  There, I said it.  I know it sounds mean and people tell me I’m too hard on myself but it’s the truth.  Being fat doesn’t make me a bad person, less valuable or unloveable but being fat is getting in my way of living the life I want and I’m tired of it.  As a very busy self employed single mom of two girls it’s challenging to make healthful decisions.  Their dad passed away almost 3 years ago from cancer so I’m on my own to get everything to done for them and in the house and I admit I take the easy way out and sleep in as late as I can (if you call 630 late).  When he got sick I started reading and researching everything I could get my hands on about health and nutrition.  I have quite a bit of knowledge and several certificates to prove it but I feel like a hypocrite. I’m 5’7”, weigh 220 lbs and wear a size 16-18.  And I hate it.  If a man tells flirts with me or tells me I’m beautiful, I look at him confused wondering what drugs he’s on.  I was 110 lbs and a size 6 when I graduated high school. I wish I had appreciated my body back then. Now I do everything I can to hide it.  But that’s going to change.  I’m going to go from fat to fabulous!  I’m tired of being tired and embarrassed.  Looking back I can see how I got this way.  Little emotional traumas here, harsh words there.  Cooking and baking is the way to a man’s heart.  I did that and ate right along with him.  It was also easier to take solace in chocolate or ice cream or Oreos than it was to face challenges of marriage.  We met and moved in together when I was only 18 and very ill equipped for the realities of being a wife and living in a city where I had no friends or family.  I did whatever I could to be an accommodating wife.  That’s what I saw my mom do.  I never learned to stand in my power and speak my mind.  Instead I stuffed my mouth.  I see that now 27 years later.  Money was tight and we ate cheap meals with lots of processed foods.  We both worked long hours so didn’t think or want to exercise so the pounds quickly came on.  If only I had seen how much time I really had available to me then – before kids.  If only I knew then what I know now.  But today is the day I’m taking control and take everything I’ve learned to help others and use it to help myself.  No more hiding.  No more pity party.  It’s time to let out the beautiful, strong, sexy, confident woman inside and let her shine.  Every journey has twists and turns, peaks and valleys. I don’t expect this one to be any different.  Ready to join me for the ride?  Ready to laugh and cry and celebrate life?  I am and I’m starting today!

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